A Modest Proposal
I have an idea that I think could help save our planet.
As we all know, most global warming is caused by rednecks driving giant gas-hogging SUVs. You and I can drive as many sensible vehicles as we want, but it will barely make a dent in the damage these guys cause. I live in Louisiana, so I know a thing or two about rednecks. I know the one thing rednecks like more than giant trucks. Answer: Going fast.
So how do we convince these Neanderthals to give up their Hummers and drive something reasonable and green? We let them go fast. We should make it a law that SUVs have a universal speed limit of 50MPH while hybrids, scooters, Segways, and other eco-friendly vehicles are allowed to go as fast as they want on the Interstate.
I don’t want any money for my idea (although I should patent it) I just want recognition as the guy that saved billons of lives by fixing global warming.
August 17th, 2008 at 10:37 am
I just received this in my email. Thank god for Internet heroes!
DON’T JUST TRASH THIS EMAIL. THIS COULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU READ ALL YEAR.
IF YOU HAVE FILLED UP YOUR CAR RECENTLY, YOU KNOW THE GAS PRICES ARE OUTRAGEOUS. 3 BUCKS A GALLON IS CONSIDERED CHEAP IN SOME AREAS!
THIS IS NOT THE EMAIL TELLING YOU THAT BOYCOTTING EXXON WILL BRING THE PRICES DOWN–IT WON’T. CONSUMER BOYCOTTS DON’T WORK. THE BIG OIL COMPANIES ARE ALL IN LEAGUE, AND BRINGING DOWN ONE COMPANY WILL ONLY PROP UP THE REST. EXECUTIVES AND WORKERS LAID OFF FROM ONE COMPANY ARE HIRED ON BY THE MORE SUCCESSFUL ONES AND SO ON. BUT I CAN TELL YOU HOW TO BEAT THE HIGH GAS PRICES ONCE AND FOR ALL.
THERE IS A SECRET THAT THE OIL COMPANIES HAVE BEEN SITTING ON FOR YEARS. THIS WAS PASSED ON TO ME BY A RETIRED NASA ENGINEER WHO WORKED ON APOLLO 13 AND IS AN EXPERT IN CHEMICAL ENGINEERING.
WHAT OIL COMPANIES WON’T TELL YOU IS THAT THEY’RE CONCENTRATING THE GASOLINE THEY SELL OVER 100X NORMAL STRENGTH! THIS MEANS THAT YOUR CAR NOT ONLY BURNS IT FASTER BUT THAT YOU’LL HAVE TO FILL UP ON THEIR GAS EVEN MORE OFTEN THAN BEFORE. NOTICE HOW A GALLON OF GAS DOESN’T LAST AS LONG AS IT USED TO? THIS IS THE REASON WHY! WHEN THE GAS IS SUPER CONCENTRATED, IT’S CHEAPER TO MAKE BECAUSE ALL THE GAS MOLECULES ARE LONGER AND THE OIL REFINERIES DON’T HAVE TO CHOP THEM ALL UP. THEY JUST SHIP THE GAS OUT AND MAKE 50X THE PROFIT OFF THE SAME GALLON.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET A 5-GALLON JUG AND FILL IT WITH CONCENTRATED GRAPE, APPLE OR MIXED FRUIT JUICE. DO NOT USE ORANGE BECAUSE IT FOULS UP THE ENGINE AND RUSTS THE FUEL LINES WITH THE HIGH ACID CONTENT!!!!! THEN YOU POUR THAT IN AND FILL UP TO THE TOP. THE AVERAGE TANK HOLDS 13 GALLONS SO THIS 38.4% DILUTION IS THE PRECISE RATIO NEEDED TO EQUAL JUST REGULAR GASOLINE AND THE JUICE IS SIMILAR TO AN ADDITIVE THAT’S PUT IN GAS SO IT CAN HAVE THE GAS MOLECULES ALL CHOPPED UP. THE JUICE SUGAR ALSO ADDS A CLEANING EFFECT JUST LIKE INJECTOR CLEANER. YOU’LL NOT ONLY GET 4 MORE MPG, BUT YOU’VE JUST SAVED OVER $15 PER FILLUP ON GAS! A LEADING SCIENTIST AT CENTRAL SOUTHERN UNIVERSITY PUT THIS OUT 30 YEARS AGO BUT IT WAS COVERED UP BY THE OIL COMPANIES SO THEY COULD GET US HOOKED ON MIDDLE EAST OIL AND $3 A GALLON PRICES.