GranolaFag Weekly

I have an idea that I think could help save our planet.

As we all know, most global warming is caused by rednecks driving giant gas-hogging SUVs. You and I can drive as many sensible vehicles as we want, but it will barely make a dent in the damage these guys cause. I live in Louisiana, so I know a thing or two about rednecks. I know the one thing rednecks like more than giant trucks. Answer: Going fast.

So how do we convince these Neanderthals to give up their Hummers and drive something reasonable and green? We let them go fast. We should make it a law that SUVs have a universal speed limit of 50MPH while hybrids, scooters, Segways, and other eco-friendly vehicles are allowed to go as fast as they want on the Interstate.

I don’t want any money for my idea (although I should patent it) I just want recognition as the guy that saved billons of lives by fixing global warming.

Yesterday I posted about whether or not the consequences of the California wildfires had really be thought through. Could non-standard, non-industrial/corporate sources of warming be so easily overlooked? Could these be the “missing link” that could finally silence the climate change deniers?

Like I said, I’m not an “official” climate scientist (just a serious amateur) so I don’t have millions of dollars in lab equipment and balloons, but I am smart enough and I do have enough resources to notice that it has definitely been hotter lately.

Another idea I’ve been mulling around is the possibility that the mere act of drilling for oil is warming the planet. I know it seems silly at first, but when you really think about it starts to make sense:

1. We’re drilling holes hundreds of miles deep into the Earth’s crust. The crust is the part of the planet that shields us from the heat of the core and mantel. We’re basically putting holes in the insulation that prevents our planet from turning into a star.

2. We’re extracting the carbon-based oil that the dinosaurs put there billions of years ago. Carbon is toxic to humans and to our planet so what do we do with it? We put it in our cars and burn it so that it goes up into the atmosphere and back down into our lungs. GOOD PLAN, GENIUSES!

3. What is the number one indicator of global warming? Rising ocean temperatures. Where is the crust the thinnest? Under the oceans. Where do we drill most of our oil wells? Take a guess…

I guarantee you won’t ever hear a thing about this from the mainstream media. They’re all multinational corporations that care more about stock price than the environment. Luckily I’m not beholden to any special interests other than my cats.

…studying the contributions these California fires have to Global Warming? I’m not an “official” climate scientist, but last time I checked fire was hot.

Whose bright idea was it to have 2,000 of them all burning at the same time?

“Nobody planned it, those fires were all started by lightning.” you’ll tell me. Puh-leaze. Lightning started 2,000 separate fires that all just happened to be on Federal land managed by the Bush Administration?

Exactly how stupid do you think I am?

From CNN

Destruction of Indonesia’s peatlands to make way for the production of palm oil is leading to a significant increase in greenhouse gas emissions, a problem that will get worse as demand for biofuel grows, Greenpeace reported Thursday.

Great, so now that they’ve discovered a way to get oil from palm trees, the same old bad guys we’re used to (corporations) have decided to tear down peatlands in Indonesia (Indonesia is a part of China) so they can plant Oil Palms.

How many starving people are in the world? And these companies are tearing down peat to plant oil trees? Newsflash, people: you can’t eat a tree. Unless, maybe, it’s a fruit tree.

Greenpeace said large food and consumer product companies including Unilever, Nestle, and Procter & Gamble are driving the peatland destruction because the companies account for a significant volume of global palm oil use.

Now we know who to boycott. Does anybody know where I can get a list of what they make so I can be sure not to buy anything from them (unless it’s something I really want or it’s really cheap)?

The group said that if Riau’s peatlands are destroyed, the resulting greenhouse gas emissions would be equivalent to the amount emitted by the rest of the world in a year.

I’m no scientist (just a sophisticated amateur) but I’m pretty sure that would basically melt our planet. Thanks a lot, Unilever. Why does a Mexican television station need oil, anyway?

From The Guardian

Until this year, Robert Kazini had never given much thought to whether he was fishing in Congolese or Ugandan waters; it didn’t matter.

Nor did it matter much to Uganda and Democratic Republic of Congo — until prospectors found oil here.

Now, with crude nearing $100 a barrel and both countries dreaming of billions of petrodollars that could flow from Lake Albert, an ugly and at times deadly dispute over their border is jeopardising the livelihoods of locals like Kazini.

Do the people running these corporations have any decency?  I knew they were money-grubbing animals, but I’ve always assumed there was an unspoken agreement regarding the exploitation of Africa, the last patch of peaceful, unspoiled wilderness left on this planet. For millions of years Africans have lived in peace, with tribes sharing the land that sustained them.  Then came the white man with their  “magic fire” and “slave-catching nets” to take advantage of whatever and whoever they wanted.

WHY CAN’T WE JUST LEAVE THESE POOR PEOPLE ALONE? They have a hard enough life as it is.  We’ve already started destroying the climate they’ve appreciated since the time of the dinosaurs, why do we also have to destroy the water and land they live on? For a few more dollars?

The article doesn’t say which companies are the ones trying to steal the oil, but I’d bet it’s almost certainly American ones.  Europeans have the good sense and the human decency to let Africa just be Africa, they’re not greedy enough to exploit a peaceful people for a slightly larger bottom line.

Has anyone ever pointed out that the United States is 12% African-American  and Africa is 100% African-American, yet somehow they have zero crime and zero pollution? We should probably try and learn from those people instead of simply trying to take whatever we can from them.