GranolaFag Weekly

I have an idea that I think could help save our planet.

As we all know, most global warming is caused by rednecks driving giant gas-hogging SUVs. You and I can drive as many sensible vehicles as we want, but it will barely make a dent in the damage these guys cause. I live in Louisiana, so I know a thing or two about rednecks. I know the one thing rednecks like more than giant trucks. Answer: Going fast.

So how do we convince these Neanderthals to give up their Hummers and drive something reasonable and green? We let them go fast. We should make it a law that SUVs have a universal speed limit of 50MPH while hybrids, scooters, Segways, and other eco-friendly vehicles are allowed to go as fast as they want on the Interstate.

I don’t want any money for my idea (although I should patent it) I just want recognition as the guy that saved billons of lives by fixing global warming.

…studying the contributions these California fires have to Global Warming? I’m not an “official” climate scientist, but last time I checked fire was hot.

Whose bright idea was it to have 2,000 of them all burning at the same time?

“Nobody planned it, those fires were all started by lightning.” you’ll tell me. Puh-leaze. Lightning started 2,000 separate fires that all just happened to be on Federal land managed by the Bush Administration?

Exactly how stupid do you think I am?

I feel it’s finally time for me to speak out about the atrocities being committed in my home state.

I know this isn’t really a topic that this blog is geared towards, but it’s such an important issue that I can’t let it pass without comment.

It is despicable the way those boys have been treated. Every white person in this country (and I’m sad to say I’m one) should be absolutely sick and ashamed of themselves over this. I understand that a fund has been established for their college educations and if I have any money left over next paycheck I plan on contributing.

What makes people act like this? Like animals? Are white people not satisfied with owning everything, controlling all the jobs, and having all the good hair? Why must they thrust themselves into the lives of the disadvantaged, only to wreak havoc upon such innocents?

You can rest assured that in the future time will be divided into “before Jena” and “after Jena.” We ought to round up the prosecutor, judge, and all the police involved in this case and string ‘em up. Yes, I’m that upset!

Even worse is the mainstream corporate media hardly even mentions this story any more. It should be on the front page of every newspaper in every city for the next 100 years so we’re all reminded of the lengths people will go to in the trampling of other peoples’ rights.

Look at these faces, they’re the future of this nation and deserve to be treated as such…

From Reuters

 Climate change could end globalization by 2040 as nations look inward to conserve scarce resources and conflicts flare when refugees flee rising seas and drought, national security experts warned on Monday.

Now that climate change is obvious and “all up in your business” you won’t ignore it, will you, guys? When all it did was kill poor non-white people it wasn’t a big deal, but now that it threatens profit? SOUND THE ALARM!

“Some of the consequences could essentially involve the end of globalization as we have known it … as different parts of the Earth contract upon themselves in order to try to conserve what they need to survive,” said Fuerth, who was national security adviser to former Vice President Al Gore.

This may actually be one of the positive side-effects of all this madness: the end of globalization. No longer will America be able to rape foreign cultures in pursuit of the all-mighty dollar. I can’t wait for the day when money is worthless and we can all finally concentrate on what’s really important in life: love.

From CO-ED Magazine

Hillary Clinton has been having a lesbian affair with her top female aide, the sexy Huma Abedin.

This has been know to “insiders” for years, but now major media outlets are starting to acknowledge the butch elephant in the room.

Some say this will kill her Presidential hopes, but I don’t think so. I think America is ready to accept a same-oriented leader. We’re obviously fed up with the right-wing Jesus-loving “traditional” one we have now, why not embrace change?